#30 or "Not growing up, I'm just burning out"

You know those people who couldn't wait to be an adults as kids?
Yeah, I hate them.
I never, ever - and I stress ever - wanted to be a grown up.
Grown ups looked like they had positively no sense of humor.
You know I can't abide by that shit.
The lives of adults seemed complicated and stressful.
And guys ... It's fucking true.

Turns out making money is only possible if you have legit skills.
My skills of sarcasm and mascara application aren't particularly profitable.
Living paycheck to paycheck is about as fun as having explosive diarrhea in public.

I'll be honest, I thought dating someone would be as easy as drinking - a little sloppy, requiring endurance, but  ultimately leading to tha sex.
Unfortunately, the sex ended pretty quickly, which is alright because I'm on too many drugs to feel a damn thing.
But it's still fun, damn it.
Who doesn't like a good, hard fuck?
Perhaps I should on looking less like Jaba the Hutt naked.
Jesus, even Roseanne Barr has a hotter body than me.
I'm not sure if it's my less than stellar personality or my homely looks but I'm a boner killer.
But whatever, that dude was a yuppie who liked vanilla sex and had a pinterest.
That does not abide by my motto of, "What would HST do?"
And no, I'm never going to change that motto, bitches.

Maybe, just maybe, I shouldn't go on first dates with boys to do psychedelics in the forest.
That's a novel idea.

#30 - When your sister announces her pregnancy, be sure the first gift you give her is a diaphragm.