#43 or "Reality and Sobriety were her Only Delusions"

Oh, the New Year is upon us. I know this because everyone keeps talking about their shit resolutions.
For a whole 30 seconds, I thought about changing my life.
Because I am just a tad unhappy with where I am now.
(Turns out doing whatever you want when you want to DOES indeed have drawbacks.)
But then I remembered that life is unpredictable and short and decided to do whatever I want to all over again.
In fact, my biggest problem is that I'm not doing enough of what I want.
If I had a resolution, it would simply read: MORE SEXY.

At work, I'm the designated breaker of things.
Because:
A) No one gets more joy out of breaking shit than I do.
B) No one can ruin something good as thoroughly as I can.
C) No one is more content with themselves afterward as I am.
Needless to say, my coworkers now know that I am a freak.
What can I say? My supreme patience comes at the price of a lot of pent-up aggression.

I'm thinking of going all Lizzie Borden on those retards who raised me.
I may be famous yet afterall.

This week I learned that Sunday evening is when all the attractive single men do their grocery shopping.
Unfortunately for them, that is not when the attractive single girls do theirs.
It's when girls like me come in.
My biggest vice is probably self-love. To me, all that's important is that I think I'm fucking funny and sexy. And you know I do.

#43 - When you get paid, frivolously spend away on petty grooming products, new clothes and drugs. Forget bills. Fun comes first.