As of today, I am still the last person I know (of my peers of course) who has yet to start a Real Life.
I still live The Life I Want, which primarily involves sleeping till noon and drinking whenever it strikes my fancy.
I can't say I'm particularly hurt by my stunted growth.
Also pretty sure one of my friends has cancer. At least I think so. Nonetheless, he's on radiation.
Which begs the question, what illness other than cancer calls for radiation?
Probably lots. Things to Google. When I have nothing better to do.
Today I found out my only living grandparent has taken a turn for the worse.
Papa Daddy, as we called him, has had Alzheimer's for a while and finally moved back to Waco to be closer to family.
My mother threw a shit fit saying, "No one TOLDDDD me!"
Which is ironic because she hasn't returned the man's phone calls in 15 years.
If I had a father who gave enough of a shit to call me, I'd pick up the god damned phone. But that's just me.
Basically, if I'm dying, my mother is probably the last person I'm going to call. She would make my death all about her. Kinda like she's tried to make my life.
BUT TO NO AVAIL.
My future involves lots of karaoke and approaching men at random.
That whole fear of rejection thing has totally died down in the event of my complete and utter boredom.
And because I face rejection everyday in the damned job market.
And most likely with my grad school applications.
I think it will make me a more rounded person.
(That's just what failures say.)
Also starting to spam major magazines in attempt to get published and fulfill Life Goal No. 9. I'm doling out essays with classic titles like : My Life As A Fat Girl.
This should go well.
Here's to the return of the Kinks in my life and pretending I live in the 60's.
#40 - After a date, be sure to call the guy at least within the next 6 hours just to say "...it made me think of you."
Today ends my string of days off.
Or as I like to call them, "Romantic Evenings With Myself."
Because let's be honest, no one wants to go to parks and museums and watch foreign films with me in bed.
I fill my own void of a boyfriend.
I told my boss yesterday I couldn't come in and help them out because I was out hiking.
On a rainy day.
Like I even hike.
That's so Bella Swan of me.
But it seemed preferrable to "I can't come in because I'm too busy getting mercilessly stoned and working on my novel."
But I don't regret my lies because I've been something foreign to me ... productive.
Tonight is a meeting for an underground magazine Hillary-Anne is starting.
How could I resist being part of a magazine called VAGINA?
Naturally, because I want to be there, I cannot go.
But I wrote a decent personal essay for it already.
Oh yeah, I also decided to declare myself a writer and take it seriously in the past 2 days.
That is until I crash and burn and find myself drowning in loans.
But here's to hoping it goes the other way!
Somehow the only friends I have now are all men.
Which is ironic because men are usually a little afraid of me.
Fuck who am I kidding?
Everyone's usually a little afraid of me.
My birthday is in about a month and I'm planning something spectacular for it.
You only turn 24 once! Plus, once I hit 25, I will be convinced I am old.
Hopefully all those people creeped out by me will attend.
If nothing else than from sheer curiosity
My life is perpetually that moment where you go to wash out a head of hair dye only to discover the water has been shut off.
#41 - When faced with any confrontation, burst in to tears and begin yelling about how your father molested you as a child.
Or as I like to call them, "Romantic Evenings With Myself."
Because let's be honest, no one wants to go to parks and museums and watch foreign films with me in bed.
I fill my own void of a boyfriend.
I told my boss yesterday I couldn't come in and help them out because I was out hiking.
On a rainy day.
Like I even hike.
That's so Bella Swan of me.
But it seemed preferrable to "I can't come in because I'm too busy getting mercilessly stoned and working on my novel."
But I don't regret my lies because I've been something foreign to me ... productive.
Tonight is a meeting for an underground magazine Hillary-Anne is starting.
How could I resist being part of a magazine called VAGINA?
Naturally, because I want to be there, I cannot go.
But I wrote a decent personal essay for it already.
Oh yeah, I also decided to declare myself a writer and take it seriously in the past 2 days.
That is until I crash and burn and find myself drowning in loans.
But here's to hoping it goes the other way!
Somehow the only friends I have now are all men.
Which is ironic because men are usually a little afraid of me.
Fuck who am I kidding?
Everyone's usually a little afraid of me.
My birthday is in about a month and I'm planning something spectacular for it.
You only turn 24 once! Plus, once I hit 25, I will be convinced I am old.
Hopefully all those people creeped out by me will attend.
If nothing else than from sheer curiosity
My life is perpetually that moment where you go to wash out a head of hair dye only to discover the water has been shut off.
#41 - When faced with any confrontation, burst in to tears and begin yelling about how your father molested you as a child.
Kinda decided I am not a fan of feelings.
The good ones never last as long as the bad ones do.
Not worth it.
Let me explain the current crisis: I love my family.
However, I have never met more manipulative, cruel people.
Guilt is the weapon of choice. If you know guilt, you know that it feels like a dark cloud is following you so so closely until the sky feels heavy on your shoulders, and somehow the weight begins to permeate your being and sink deep into your bones like a poisonous fog.
When my family goes in for a cut, they go for the jugular.
And honestly, I have to fight not to do that myself.
So they can back the fuck off.
That being said, I really enjoy dressing up everyday for no good reason.
Sometimes I enjoy rubbing it in my stay-at-home sisters' faces that I'm free and stylish and they have stretch marks and all those dreams they had have died on the vine.
Hey, at least I don't deny that I'm vindictive.
Gimme brownie points for that.
#42 - Make sure most of your day-to-day plans involve skipping out on responsibility and procuring liquor. Preferably early.
Oh, the New Year is upon us. I know this because everyone keeps talking about their shit resolutions.
For a whole 30 seconds, I thought about changing my life.
Because I am just a tad unhappy with where I am now.
(Turns out doing whatever you want when you want to DOES indeed have drawbacks.)
But then I remembered that life is unpredictable and short and decided to do whatever I want to all over again.
In fact, my biggest problem is that I'm not doing enough of what I want.
If I had a resolution, it would simply read: MORE SEXY.
At work, I'm the designated breaker of things.
Because:
A) No one gets more joy out of breaking shit than I do.
B) No one can ruin something good as thoroughly as I can.
C) No one is more content with themselves afterward as I am.
Needless to say, my coworkers now know that I am a freak.
What can I say? My supreme patience comes at the price of a lot of pent-up aggression.
I'm thinking of going all Lizzie Borden on those retards who raised me.
I may be famous yet afterall.
This week I learned that Sunday evening is when all the attractive single men do their grocery shopping.
Unfortunately for them, that is not when the attractive single girls do theirs.
It's when girls like me come in.
My biggest vice is probably self-love. To me, all that's important is that I think I'm fucking funny and sexy. And you know I do.
#43 - When you get paid, frivolously spend away on petty grooming products, new clothes and drugs. Forget bills. Fun comes first.
For a whole 30 seconds, I thought about changing my life.
Because I am just a tad unhappy with where I am now.
(Turns out doing whatever you want when you want to DOES indeed have drawbacks.)
But then I remembered that life is unpredictable and short and decided to do whatever I want to all over again.
In fact, my biggest problem is that I'm not doing enough of what I want.
If I had a resolution, it would simply read: MORE SEXY.
At work, I'm the designated breaker of things.
Because:
A) No one gets more joy out of breaking shit than I do.
B) No one can ruin something good as thoroughly as I can.
C) No one is more content with themselves afterward as I am.
Needless to say, my coworkers now know that I am a freak.
What can I say? My supreme patience comes at the price of a lot of pent-up aggression.
I'm thinking of going all Lizzie Borden on those retards who raised me.
I may be famous yet afterall.
This week I learned that Sunday evening is when all the attractive single men do their grocery shopping.
Unfortunately for them, that is not when the attractive single girls do theirs.
It's when girls like me come in.
My biggest vice is probably self-love. To me, all that's important is that I think I'm fucking funny and sexy. And you know I do.
#43 - When you get paid, frivolously spend away on petty grooming products, new clothes and drugs. Forget bills. Fun comes first.
Well, I for one am super excited that 2010 is no more.
It wasn't a particularly good year.
Maybe if I'd gotten laid more I'd feel differently. As it is though...
Do hate New Year's Eve and am so glad I sat at home and watched movies instead.
It's paradoxical because I love parties, glitter, and drinking.
But I'm a drunken asshole every other night of the year.
I like to give it a rest for at least one day.
Stupid New Year's Day. It's always so drab. Just an arbitrary calendrical marking.
Yet I love list-making.
Which is all resolutions are.
So I'm making my own New Year, you know, for when I need to start over.
I'm obviously not ready to give up my slovenly ways right now.
However, I do have one immediate goal:
GO GONZO.
And, like, getting laid.
#44 - Wear the clothes you slept in and get ready in the dark.
It wasn't a particularly good year.
Maybe if I'd gotten laid more I'd feel differently. As it is though...
Do hate New Year's Eve and am so glad I sat at home and watched movies instead.
It's paradoxical because I love parties, glitter, and drinking.
But I'm a drunken asshole every other night of the year.
I like to give it a rest for at least one day.
Stupid New Year's Day. It's always so drab. Just an arbitrary calendrical marking.
Yet I love list-making.
Which is all resolutions are.
So I'm making my own New Year, you know, for when I need to start over.
I'm obviously not ready to give up my slovenly ways right now.
However, I do have one immediate goal:
GO GONZO.
And, like, getting laid.
#44 - Wear the clothes you slept in and get ready in the dark.
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