50 Ways to Fuck Up

Today my graduate school application was due.
Did I check to make sure the printer had ink?
Of course not.
Did I run to Kinko's at the last minute to print off my 40 page manuscript?
Yes, yes I did.
Did I only bring $5?
Yup.
It cost me nearly $30 to print that shit. I'd rather have printed it with my blood.
But the important part is that I actually mailed it off.
So that in 4 to 6 weeks they can mercilessly reject me and still keep my money.
God bless the American educational system.

In other news, turns out my body is currently rejecting alcohol.
Which works out because I have a weekend of seeing sober friends. I always feel guilty being on drugs or drunk when I'm with sober friends.
Then again, I'm pretty much always on something. So if I'm sober, they will think things are amiss.
That's right, I'm justifying my drug usage by claiming that people associate me with my high persona.
And it's pretty  much true.

So in honor of myself, I am now giving tips on how to be a giant fuck-up.
#50 - Do not balance your checkbook. In fact, don't even check your bank balance. Just spend freely. Drink and smoke and drive like its going out of fucking style. And if you've got loans? Ignore 'em. Bills and jobs are for corporate slaves. Resist.