#35 or "Teenage Dream"

I cannot believe it is July 1st.
Time sure flies when you're self-sabotaging.

June was a complete failure.
Much like me.
Antibiotics have not cured me and thus my plague has lasted over two months.
The pills did, however, give me a sensitive stomach.
Which means I've stopped working out but lost 15 pounds due to a strong gag reflex.
No man will ever want me.
My dead end job is still going strong despite the fact that I call in more than I actually attend work.
Meanwhile, I'm using my super expensive college degree to wipe the vomit off my collar.
If you wondered, the only thing worse than getting perpetually rejected by grad schools is actually getting accepted ...
and not be able to afford it.
Today I missed my go-to school application deadline like a champ.
Despite the fact that I hate this curdling cess pool of a city, I figured I could stand living here two more years, going to school and what not.
I have successfully crushed that unpleasant dream.
Practicality is for chumps.
And people with futures.

Whoever said your twenties were the best time of your life should be shot.
Along with whoever said you look the best in your life around 18.

In between verbal beatings from my sister and carting my mom to and from the looney bin, my familial affections have somewhat died.
What I mean by this is: no one in my family will so much as look at me, let alone talk to me.
Admittedly, it's pretty fab.
The downside is having no one love you.
I'm getting used to it.
Its a lot like a yeast infection. At first the itching is unbearable but then it just becomes an uncomfortable crusty gash that reminds you you're alive. Unfortunately.

Also, I may have repeatedly gotten smashed in front of my friends and some coworkers these past few weeks.
My charm has quickly eroded in the face of my obvious alcoholism.
I'm down 3 friends in a week.
Having dinner with someone else's husband is never a good idea.

Oh, and I started seeing someone who promptly informed me I was "too intense" and that he didn't know how anyone could handle dating me.
Maybe my hobbies of braiding and competitive drinking threw him off.

I'm out of drugs.
I'm out of money.
I'm out of friends.
But I am rich in sarcasm and apathy!
I would kill myself if it weren't such a hassel.
But you bitches aren't getting off that easy.

#35 - Never, ever pay people back.